Good day

It was a beautiful day today. Spent most of it outside, some of it playing soccer with beau. It's amazing how much more in shape I am now! I can't imagine why... ha ha. I really enjoyed the weather and seeing my friends this evening. I get a lot out of the bible study at the Wells' and tonight was great. Got to see Calvin and finally give him his shirt back and got to say goodbye to Dani and wish her good luck on the next few weeks.
I'm beginning to put some things together in my head. And it seems like it'll all work out. Sometimes maybe things are best left unspoken and it seems like perhaps i just need to understand and take things as they are. I have no reason nor do I have a place to rush through the fixing of mistakes I've made. And honestly...at this point I am happy with what I have. It's more than I expected.

I thank my Lord for where I am right now...and I sincerely hope to get closer to where I'm supposed to be as each day turns into another. In the grand scheme of life, He is always in control. And I no longer have any doubts about that.

I Need You

face to the ground to hide the fatal cut
i fight the waves, feel you lift me up
can't deny, it burns me up inside
i fan the flames to melt away my pride
i only had a second to spare but
all of the time in the world to know you're there
you are the shelter from the rain
and the rain to wash me away

Yeh

I'm really frustrated today.

Perspective

Today was a cold day. Worked the black friday early bird hours from 4am to 1pm and then rode home. It was a long cold ride and I didn't think much about anything except getting home. Especially since my legs are killing me this week. Oh well, it's fun being torn up and sore :)
Found out today that my dad doesn't really like the idea of actually fighting in the local fight arena. Thought about it a bit today and...honestly, I don't know if I want to be known as a "brute". I enjoy fighting technique and laying into my punching bag, but I don't know... I will have to think about it.
I also thought about other things today. This coming time in my life is going to be different. I have been finding that focusing on other things besides seeking my soul mate has been the ideal way of life for me right now. There are so many things I need to focus on without all the distraction. I am completely confident that God will bring us together at the right time and will show me who He has chosen for me to be with. Until then, I will offer my heart to no one and I will turn away from my own spontaneity. I want share this life fully with someone and be secure in knowing it is God's will.
I keep thinking about my friends who are away for the holiday and hoping they're having a great time. It's hard when people you care for are so hard to reach.
Anyway, I have to work fedex this morning at 0330 so I am going to head to bed.

Thank You

Today is a day dedicated to giving thanks. Every year I enjoy the fun preparation with my family, the big dinner and then the crazy (and sick) feeling of playing soccer with the family right after dinner. I want to thank God for that. But even more, I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for His mercy, His love, His grace. I will never fully understand it.
He has given me a beautiful and loving family to grow up in, and the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. Sometimes I get so caught up in praying for things that I don't have that I forget to thank Him for what seems to be taken for granted.
I have a long ways to go before I am ready to move on to greater things anyway...and I get discouraged about it a lot. I often feel like I am so behind. I pray that He'll bring me and That Girl, whoever He's destined me with, together...while I really would have nothing to offer if He did. And that's just one of many examples of the ways that He always seems to know what's best...even when I don't see it.
As for now, my trust is in Him. And God knows I will work my rear off to get to where I need to be!
But today... Thank you. To my dear friends, my loving family, and my Lord.

Square One

Today was a very normal day, and it kind of made a few things clear in my mind in being so normal: Things won't change overnight. And sometimes it seems, even forgiveness won't cover the consequences of things done wrong. I wish the consequences were physical, or monetary or something instead of emotional and relational.
Square one doesn't exactly feel like a starting place anymore. It kind of feels like just...continuing. I wanted it to be a springboard. But alas, sometimes forgiveness is the sun you can only feel through the stained glass. In time the glass will break and trust will take over, so until then I am praying desperately for patience.

A new day

What a season. So many things gone wrong, so many mistakes and so many different ways to start over. I have come to a place where I feel that God is giving me the opportunity to start over in a lot of different things. He says that His grace is new every morning and I have seen it firsthand even though I never seem to do the right things. I have to step back and just look at the beautiful season that passed right before my eyes into ashes and wonder why I keep losing everything I gain. And then I have to come to the only conclusion that makes any sense: God is bringing me to a place where I have to focus on only Him and rely on Him and not myself in order to live the life He wants me to lead.
My mistakes are far from acceptable but I refuse to be torn down, rather I am gaining strength from knowing I will carry through. I look intensely forward to starting from square one.